settling into the place that is plan

From my pinterest "fabric flowers" board.  Follow thru name: revealthebeauty.

I'm a planner.  I'm preggers (16 1/2 weeks along), and when people ask if we're going to find out the sex of the child, I hem and haw on purpose to get them to tell me their opinion.  I've concluded that most people consider themselves "planners."

    "Well, I don't know.  I mean, there are advantages for us.  I'm not sure," I sigh, looking to the ceiling, inviting opinion.
    She says, almost in a self-defeating tone, "Yeah, I'm just such a planner so I found out."

    A few people have given the ol', "You know, we really feel like there are so few surprises left in life!  But I understand that you and T are such planners.  I know you'll want to paint a pink or blue nursery and have everything in place."

Maybe you can sense my opinion.  I want to find out.  But, it's not really just because I'm a "planner" in a striving need everything perfect beforehand way.  That's old news.  Striving is wasteful and really not what we are made to do.  That's the misconception of planning, the dangerous detour it can take into "perfect world."  Perfection is the enemy.  I want a little focus to my imagining this new person, calling out his or her name in my imagination.  Sitting in a planning mode, wandering around in wonder about this little boy or girl.

The place of planning is really quite lovely if you concentrate on the beauty of your mind and soul to imagine.  It's a location, a state of being, not a time of list-making and expectation-growing that will lead to "I'm not good enough"s and "there's never enough hours in the day"ing.  It may even be the most phenomenal and powerful act of a human being.

I got to sit in the peace that is the planning mind this morning.  This morning I got to sleep in.  Like, really sleep in.  With absolutely no agenda.  I drank tea with milk and sugar, two oreos, three prunes, a stick of string cheese and two bites of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.  So random.  So lovely. [Let's be completely transparent here-- I feel the pressure of things I need to accomplish today-- but I turned them off until noon.  I have four minutes left as of this sentence.]  And, this is the place of planning that is most freeing and lovely.  My mind, given freedom and space and warding off rabbit-trails of worry, has conjured many images and ideas that I wouldn't have frequented were I up and about on an agenda today.

Here are the images I've relished and sat in for seconds this morning, while waking, slowly, and drifting again, turning over to get comfortable, or turning the page of a magazine, typing in new search terms on my iphone with certain ideas...
{The baby inside of me is the size of a turnip this week.  I shall buy a turnip to understand.  I have not yet befriended this vegetable.  I'm feeling lots of little flutters now.  I love the term "quickening."  Poem idea.} [I will cut some of the lovely pinkish green drying hydrangeas from the bush out front and make two birthday bouquets with them for my friends Jay and Mallory.]  {A good project for Christmas break: install the dark wood Martha Stewart closet organizers in the master closet and hang the beige nursery closet organizer ($25 at Walmart!) in the "nursery"}  [Blog about decorating home for Fall.]  {Dinner party idea: cut centers of turnips (not the one I need for fetus visual aid) and cabbage for candles and dips, respectively-- idea from November Martha Stewart Living.}  [Perhaps I could paint the cabinet in my bathroom a pretty light mossy green and help it to feel shabby chic, instead of just shabby with pretty accessories on the counter.]  {This weekend would be a great time to make a double batch of italian chicken vegetable soup-- good for T's vegetable intake, and helpful to keep me eating healthy in in-between moments of hunger, which is changing to a perpetual issue.  My appetite is officially back in action.} [Pita Pit sounds good.  mmm hummus.]  {Must buy new journal.  Today.}  [Looking forward to hanging wood vintage skis over the mantel this year for Winter styling-- what a good idea, husby.]  {I'll get some new gold nail polish and write the prophetic word down for that girl at church who I "saw" as having the gold of encouragement coming out of her fingertips.}  [I wonder if I can be sneaky and schedule a massage for T one day this week.  His back is really hurting him, even though he doesn't really talk about it.  I should really get one, too.]  {Burlap wreath!  I will finish you today!  Yes.  So, I'll stop by Hobby Lobby to get the felt for the fabric flowers and make the dinner party invites with those supplies.  Need stamps.  Where is the post office?}

I've allowed for a place of planning to be a fun process, back into the creative image of my creator.  In the image.  Of creation, of creating, of planning.  So yeah, I want to know if we're welcoming a little boy or little girl into the world so I can sit in moments of imagination and plan.  It the ethereal sense of the positive imaginative process planning should be.